When the bridge is burnt between us...can we ever find new wood to rebuild?

Sometimes I wonder, when I look back at my history and the people I have loved, lost, ran from, or ran to, and I wonder if my choices were right or wrong. I have always chosen the harder path, that's just my Gypsy nature. I have never shied from the tough calls or the painful realities, but as my best friend recently told me, I need to be careful, because when I feel something, I TRULY FEEL IT. I have empathy in abundance. Now that isn't a fault by any means, but it does cause me to be rash and unsettled and act fast before thinking, very often. I say things before I know if I mean them, or as my mister would say, I text too much...but I have a great deal to say. I have always been real. That is one thing EVERY ONE of my friends can attest too. I may be exaggerated or overwhelming at times, but I am ALWAYS me. I always have been. I keep it direct and real. Honest, even when it hurts. Some of my friends appreciate that trust and honesty because they know they can say or do anything around me and I won't judge them or change my feelings towards them for being who they are. Everyone has darkness in them, and everyone has love, life, and beauty in them too.  

But sometimes I sit and wonder. In some realm or dimension, did I make different choices, am I happier, do I have more wealth but not my kids with me? Did I become famous? Did I stay with my ex-husband and did he treat me well? Did I marry Alan, instead of losing him in 911? I wonder about the science fiction side of life's rare questions but then I also wonder about the now.
Had I kept contact with one person and deleted a different one, Had I said goodbye to this one instead of that one...would my life be different now? 
I have never been super shy, and while I know many many people, I have never been the overtly outgoing one either. I was never a wallflower at parties, I always jumped right in, or would try to throw house parties and events for all my friend's and colleagues, but once the events would start, I would host and not talk... I wasn't super social, I just liked things to flow. So would I be someone different, or have moved in a different direction if I had chosen different people, and made more calculated choices instead of my fly by the seat of my pants version of life??? 
Then the question becomes totally different...

I don't always feel happy in my own skin, I suffer from Mania, not depression, although the two are often confused or combined. I have to have a catalyst to throw me spiraling into sadness, So I don't suffer from depression, just extreme empathy...but I can be manic. Even in my youth, I was often "hyper" and not easy to deal with. I sometimes wonder what role this played in my life. Did my mania have its twisted ruthless hand in all my affairs? How often did it change the outcome of what might have been? 

For those out there that may read this, and KNOW that I am talking about you, know that I loved you, and still do, and I know we had our good and bad times, and maybe, in some different realm we are still together, married, and happy, doing RHPS on our spare nights and having a blast together, I do miss you somedays and think of you often, wondering if we could have been different had we made better choices along the way. How many others out there can be this honest with themselves...Can you look in the mirror and truly accept your fears and truths about you and still be able to look YOU in the eye and say, "I love you" to yourself? its hard and never fun to know who you are so intimately, but there is a freedom in acceptance on such a level. It is not easy to change oneself even when you may know your faults, and want to expel them and place new, and better things where those once were, but accepting yourself upfront is the only way to start,.

So for the bridges I have burned, and wonder if I were wrong, maybe we can rebuild something different there...for the ones I learned from and still think on but do not regret leaving in my history, I thank you still. Can you be strong enough to accept yourself too?