On the 31st of August, 2019, I picked my mother up to go run errands for the very last time. The day was stressful and dull and started out uneventful. We went to her bank, and then to Walmart, we argued some over money, because I hadn't gotten paid yet and she was needing extra cash to fix her landlords garage. A garage she had just days before backed into after she and I had gone to the grocery store. I regret being upset with my mother that day, I was annoyed by my bills and relationship issues. It just goes to show you should never take people for granted. Because they really can be gone in an instant.
There was nothing particularly different about that day, it was a hot 111 degrees in Las Vegas but it was a pretty day out overall. My mom had not been feeling well and had been getting lots of headaches and was, now in reflection, having several minor strokes which ultimately came to a head this bland and nothing day.
I dropped my mother off at her place around 2 pm, she was renting a room from a harsh overbearing older lady. She had two other roommates in the house, everyone there was seniors.
I got my mom home and waited to make sure she got inside the door safely as I always did, and I drove back my house.
I unloaded my car of a few items I had purchased for my kiddos and me to have for dinner and went about my day. I had hoped that my boyfriend would maybe stop by for a visit, our relationship was becoming very strained by his time constraints and I didn't trust he was telling me the truth any longer, so as I often do, I texted too much and probably said too much. He was even more overwhelmed and he did not visit.
That night I took the only pill I am allowed to take via my doctors, I took an anxiety pill that helps me fall asleep as well as a few chocolate melatonin you can buy at places like Wholefoods and Sprouts. So I started to go to bed, my mind was still reeling from my stressful day and my heart was still sad over my boyfriend, but I finally passed out.
At 9:04 pm I received a phone call that was to be the catalyst for the rest of my September.
Eve, my mom's acquaintance, called and said she had just come to see my mother and that something was horribly wrong. My mom was unresponsive and unable to move. I told to hang up and call 911 ASAP, that my mom was having a stroke.
That morning was to be the last morning I ever heard my mothers voice or got a hug from her. I wish I had superpowers so that I could have known and maybe stayed with her so I would have been there to save her in time. But that isn't how life normally works out. I could not drive because of my medicine, so I was stuck waiting to hear news from the hospital.
At 11:32pm The hospital called and told me my mother had a severe, catastrophic stroke, and that a large portion of her brain had died, They needed my permission to go into surgery to try to save her life and remove the clot from her brain. She made it through the surgery and went to ICU. She only had 4 days there, then was moved to the MCU, for constant care.
My brother flew into town, and we talked for the 1st time in 6 years. It was actually really nice, it didn't last, but it was nice to have someone here, and he really needed to make amends with our mom too.
My mother had two okay days, where she could interact with us, and nod yes or no to questions posed to her. Her right side was almost entirely paralyzed and she would never talk again or eat food again. She was very sad and in pain and confused.
While my brother was out of the room, I leaned in and asked my mother the hardest question one can ask..." momma, do you want us to take you off everything and just let you die, so you can be with your huband?" I already knew the answer because my whole life I have always been the closest to my mother out of all the children in our brood.
She looked at me with completely understanding and nodded yes. That was to be the last time my mom was interactive with us. She slept the next 3 days at the MCU and then the doctors and care staff came to the room to discuss our options for longterm life support or hospice. My mother wanted hospice, and she was a shell of the women she had been. No longer fiesty or mouthy or asking a million questions that used to annoy me, but are now something I miss terribly.
That afternoon she was transported to the Hospice, where my brother and I would spend time by her bed, trying to give her something to hold onto while she was still with us. slowly the rest of her body started to shut down, and on 9/11/2019, the worst day for many Americans, including myself, my mother fell asleep for the last time. She was being held by my brother when she passed, so she was not alone. Which was the least we could give her.
My brother and I cried and tried to let it sink in that she was gone, it was better that way for her than the life she would have had to live, but when it's your parents, its a tough call, and a painful one.
I saw my mother twice after that. They let us see her the day she was brought to the funeral home, they had cleaned her up nicely and she looked peaceful. and then I had to see her one more time,
the day before they took her to be Aquamated, which is a new form of cremation. Her body was cold and her skin waxy, as is the case with corpses. I had studied Forensics and Mortuary Science and had even worked in a few hospitals along my lifeline, so I was not scared of death.
Death sat calmly by my side that afternoon, while I held my mom's hand once more just so I could make sure to remember every wrinkle and age spot on her hand. I leaned down and kissed her forehead and told her I hoped that Kim met her on the other side, and she was finally with her mother too. My mom had not had an easy life, so I had hope for a moment in an afterlife, because she deserved to have that peace finally. I sat on a chair in the room and cried so hard my chest hurt. I finally stood up, said goodbye, and walked out the door.
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Last year My family and I made it through my Cancer, my brain surgery, being completely homeless and during that time, we may have been closer than ever. We had no choice but to be. My health ordeals made me very aware of telling those around me that I loved them, very often and sometimes so much it ould be annoying. But I made sure to say it as much as I could. Because you get different eyes when your handed a possible death curse.
I can say I am happy I had told my mother I loved her that last day out with her. we had argued, but no worse than we normally did as mother and daughter. But we still said I love you at the end.
My story here is no different than thousands of peoples every day, but the lesson should stand true...no matter the bridges crossed or the ones burnt along the way, one should always remember those that shaped you as you grew in life, good and bad, and one should NEVER, EVER, FORGET TO SAY I LOVE YOU...just in case.
To my momma, my hero, my confidant, my obnoxious reminder of my imperfections and the one person that was always there, no matter what, even when it was hard to be with her. You were a good mom, and I love you. I miss you very much now. But you are in everything I do and are part of all my memories. So thank you,
momma.
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