In Retrospect

       So, one step closer to our Gramercy Goal. Today we interviewed for a Rotunda Modern design Apartment home. It was stunning. The light was amazing and the location was perfect. Now we just have to get the cash together and we can get in! That's the hardest part.

       In trying to keep my head high and perspective clear after the life I have been living for the last 6 months, I am going to stay positive that some form of miracle will happen and we will get this place. It will , currently take a miracle to get in. We have everything we need, except the deposit funds.

       Today I applied for a crazy amount of careers with the NHL film department for The Vegas Golden Knights...call me nervous, its been a while since I have tried to get back into film in any form. The main position I have applied for is entry level and is a film editor and processor position.

        I also applied for several jobs at T-Mobile Arena and with MGM. Its been odd living in a place this long, as most of you know, I am more of a Gypsy and find it hard to stay settled for any amount of time. There is magic in Vegas though, and not just on The Strip.

       Its been about 10 years and some change since I was considered "Rich", and I oddly look back at those times wondering what the hell I was thinking, we ( my crew and I ) could spend $10 grand in an afternoon like it was nothing, and we did, often. Though we no longer have the financial security we once did, and though times have been hellish lately, I feel more rich now than I did then. I have more to look forward to and I am humbled by what I have had, lost, had again, lost again and am now restarting again...

        It has been hard to recover this time, I normally bounce back rather fast from drama, and it normally doesn't scare me, but this time I have more to lose. It is a transition and I am honestly scared of the future. I will be going back to college at the beginning of the New Year to finish my degree in hospitality and in film here at UNLV. I am very excited about that.

Okay world, Wish us luck.

Clean slate

So, yesterday, I  decided to delete half my old blogs, because the negativity in them was bringing me down. I have had a renewed sense of awesomeness in the past few months, and a longing for the power I once possessed to overcome everything.

Now , I  would love to attest that my new found happiness came from deep inside, or from some other worldly source which has empowered me again. Or I  could assign the happiness to events that have occurred over the last two months leading up to this post. I could say that I feel stronger since I conquered #Cancer for Christmas. Or I could say it's the power of feeling desired and wanted by someone special that had put me in this place...but all of these would be lies.

Yes, recently, I have felt desired for...by many, actually...which has thrown me off a bit. There is one though that takes the cake, and I  am fairly sure he knows it ... however, as with all things, and people, they can disappear just as fast as they show up. . .nothing is ever for certain, so, though that mister makes my heart flip, it normally is too good to be true...so my defenses stay up...too much history blocking the view. What will be, will be...I can only hope for the best where this part is concerned.

Yes, I could give credit to the excitement of knowing I will live a happy healthy life again, thanks to my bad ass doctors...and the life changes I have made over the last few years.

Yes, I could also give credit to that magical force out in Xanadu that still teaches me to believe in magic.

In fact, I could give a little accent of entitlement to all the things and people that have made my life a little more unique lately,  but the real power has come from a memory.

A favorite moment in time. Before the world made me cynical. Before the ups and downs of life changed me from believing in possibilities and turned me into someone so unsure that I request validation in all I do.  A moment where, just for a second, I remembered who I was when I looked in the mirror.

That realization has been very powerful . Though I want that feeling of being desired by the one I adore, (if he will ever start talking..lol) or the feeling that something amazing surrounds me daily, or the decision to try to do things right this time around...it was a single moment in time that made me stop and think.

Can a memory of something so far away, really clean the slate and make the world brand new again?

So, on this day, for this moment, I will be dedicating this blog post to one of my oldest, and dearest friends...my Philosophy king, my Phil. . .and a ride down a rocky mountain pass in a Miata with no brakes,  jamming to classic rock, the top down, and the freedom of being able to be me, with no expectations of anything less than awesomeness in its most golden form.

For my New Year Resolution ... this year, I will remember ME, and become that free bird, wild child I always was. I have more love in me for the ones I love than any other person I know. I have more determination than most, and I am a smart fox ... so I can find me again. As they sing In La Cage ... " I just need to put a little more mascara on!"

Cheers to 2019!!! Cheers to a clean slate! Life number 8, chapter  number 29, here I come!!!

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS

"Here are a few of my favorite things"

* Young children laughing, at everything.
*Brownies, they are one of my vices.
* When my dog gets so happy,  she actually smiles.
* Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing.
*Musicals, and Theatre.
* A Good read.
*Dancing, for any reason .
*Singing with my bestfriend...I miss her.
*Whiskey with Oj.
*when my mom's car starts...
*Tea time with friends.
*Golden Knights Games!!! I haven't loved Hockey this much in years. Not since I was the only girl on the Crested Butte Hockey team.
*Riding a bike.
*The smell of fresh cut wood...
*Getting wild in nature.
*running my hands along the water while kayaking.
*Petting sharks...TOTALLY worth it.
*Holding hands with someone you love, even if they don't realize how much you care for them.
*stories from the past.
*a great film
*Winning the lottery...still working on it...lol
*The sound of wind rustling through trees.
*Neon lights
*memories, and to those being made.
*my kids being proud of themselves.
*my mom laughing.
*my dad saying "I love you"
*kissing The guy I like...
*Horror movies and Xmas love stories.
*Lady bugs, Cala lilies,  and daffodils.
*my birds
*window shopping at Gucci...man I want my ELTON handbag...lol
*The scent of a man ... or a woman...depends.
*Steam rooms.
*laughing with old friends.
*getting into mischief with new ones.
*this list could go on and on....
****but best of all,  on this Christmas Eve, being told that I am officially CANCER FREE****